3 Reasons to Stop Blaming Yourself

"Why am I not worth being faithful to?" 

"Why didn't I get the job?" 

"I'm stupid. I should've known better."

When we make a mistake, fall in love with a dick head or feel like we're not doing a good enough job, our minds turn against us. 

Because your heart is sick and feeling pain, your mind feels the need to ask "Why is this happening to me?" Since our minds don't have the Google application or God's phone number to answer the question, it creates a story line for us:

"He's cheating because you're not good enough." 

"You don't have what it takes." 

"You're not worth it." 

The mind thinks of anything to make you feel more comfortable about what is happening but at the same time make you feel more pain and bring you down. 

With each negative story you get in your head, you eat it all up, accept it and feel worthless.

I want to tell you to think positive happy thoughts, but that's bullshit. 

The truth is this...

It's not you. It is what it is.

It's being present without resistance.

It's being and asking yourself "What's next?" instead of "Why me?"

The only way to find happiness is to accept that the way things are is the way things are.
— Babe

To help you to see the way things are instead of blaming yourself, think about 3 truths:

How you think the world works is all wrong.

We grow up accepting hand-me-down belief. We assume life "SHOULD" work a certain way as long as you do XYZ. If Bobby Jean has a problem with X, she "should" do Y. With that thinking, you overlook what's in front you and you're not able to effectively solve the problem. Dwelling on what should've happened, keeps you stuck.

Let go of unrealistic expectations. This is not a fairy tale.

Real life is a mess.

Don't expect it to be clean. Get busy tidying up.

When we dislike a situation, we tend to put all our attention on how things should be rather than how they are.
— The Art of Possibility

You're playing yourself.

When you deny yourself of feeling and pretend it's not there, it comes out in the worse way - blame, anger, jealously, and so on.

If you're hurt, you're hurt.

Don't play yourself by pretending. You're only hurting yourself.

Feel whatever it is. Let it run its course. Let go.

If you don’t deal with your emotions, one day your emotions will deal with you.
— Dear Father, J. Ivy

People are fucked up.

But that doesn't mean they're bad. We can keep saying, "Oh, people aren't perfect." But let's be honest too, people do some pretty messed up stuff. We're not all loyal, honest, kind, fair, and all of the things we were taught a good person "should" be.

That's not to say to accept bullshit or totally give up on people. It's to say be understanding. You don't know what insecurities, childhood abuse or heartbreaks make them act the way they do.

Everyone is someone's Devil or Angel.

You just don't get to choose what role they'll play in your life.

The sooner you remember this, the more you can understand others, not take their actions to heart and make your next move.

...everyday people, they lie to God too
So what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you.
— Forgive Them Father, Lauryn Hill

This is the way things are.

So don't waste your time blaming yourself or feeling worthless.

Here's an excerpt on the way things are:

Being with the way things are calls for an expansion of ourselves. We start from ‘what is’, not from ‘what should be’; we encompass contradictions, painful feelings, fears, and imagings, and –without fleeing, blaming, or attempting correction – we learn to soar, like the far-seeing hawk, over the whole landscape. The practice of being with the way things are allows us to alight in a place of openness, where “the truth” readies us for the next step, and the sky opens up.
— The Art of Possibility

Suggested Reading: The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander