3 Reasons to Stop Blaming Yourself
"Why am I not worth being faithful to?"
"Why didn't I get the job?"
"I'm stupid. I should've known better."
When we make a mistake, fall in love with a dick head or feel like we're not doing a good enough job, our minds turn against us.
Because your heart is sick and feeling pain, your mind feels the need to ask "Why is this happening to me?" Since our minds don't have the Google application or God's phone number to answer the question, it creates a story line for us:
"He's cheating because you're not good enough."
"You don't have what it takes."
"You're not worth it."
The mind thinks of anything to make you feel more comfortable about what is happening but at the same time make you feel more pain and bring you down.
With each negative story you get in your head, you eat it all up, accept it and feel worthless.
I want to tell you to think positive happy thoughts, but that's bullshit.
The truth is this...
It's not you. It is what it is.
It's being present without resistance.
It's being and asking yourself "What's next?" instead of "Why me?"
To help you to see the way things are instead of blaming yourself, think about 3 truths:
How you think the world works is all wrong.
We grow up accepting hand-me-down belief. We assume life "SHOULD" work a certain way as long as you do XYZ. If Bobby Jean has a problem with X, she "should" do Y. With that thinking, you overlook what's in front you and you're not able to effectively solve the problem. Dwelling on what should've happened, keeps you stuck.
Let go of unrealistic expectations. This is not a fairy tale.
Real life is a mess.
Don't expect it to be clean. Get busy tidying up.
You're playing yourself.
When you deny yourself of feeling and pretend it's not there, it comes out in the worse way - blame, anger, jealously, and so on.
If you're hurt, you're hurt.
Don't play yourself by pretending. You're only hurting yourself.
Feel whatever it is. Let it run its course. Let go.
People are fucked up.
But that doesn't mean they're bad. We can keep saying, "Oh, people aren't perfect." But let's be honest too, people do some pretty messed up stuff. We're not all loyal, honest, kind, fair, and all of the things we were taught a good person "should" be.
That's not to say to accept bullshit or totally give up on people. It's to say be understanding. You don't know what insecurities, childhood abuse or heartbreaks make them act the way they do.
Everyone is someone's Devil or Angel.
You just don't get to choose what role they'll play in your life.
The sooner you remember this, the more you can understand others, not take their actions to heart and make your next move.
This is the way things are.
So don't waste your time blaming yourself or feeling worthless.
Here's an excerpt on the way things are:
Suggested Reading: The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander