How to Deal with Holiday Heartache

The holidays hurt. 

Today is Thanksgiving. The day you give thanks and spend time with your loved ones. 

Also the day, you're reminded of what you don't have – a man, a real connection with some relatives or having your life together. 

This day is just way too many feels. 

I hate the holidays. 

"Have you heard from your ex-boyfriend? The little short one." I didn't even bother to ask which one that was. There were plenty short ones and even shorter relationships. 

"How is Terrence doing? I really liked him." 

He's freaking amazing with a house of his own and madly in love doing the things he never did for me for her. Thanks for reminding me. 

"Jon is my favorite." 

He's my favorite too. I'm still wishing for someone like Jon. 

"...or what happened to the little 22-year-old?" 

Can my wounds heal or nah? 

I hate that they remember their names. 

I hate that I'm reminded of the pain. 

I hate wondering if I messed it up with this one or that one since they liked them so much. 

And then I go visit my mother. 

She lives alone in her apartment in the south suburbs with no car, a Tracfone and 19" TV. All white walls, bags everywhere, yet empty and cold. 

I'm triggered. 

All those stupid questions, and then to see what my future could possibly look like. 

Not even a cat lady. Just alone. 

I hate the holidays. It hurts. 

I can't wait for it to be over. Until then I'll write. 

There are people who spend holidays with no family, lno roof over their heads, or they just lost somebody close to them. 

If they have to go through it, then what makes me think I shouldn't have to feel through it? 

Why shouldn't I have to feel grief for my grandparents not being here anymore? 

Why shouldn't I have to feel alone or sad? 

Why shouldn't I have to feel? 

I can't expect for feelings to go away because seasons have changed. 

I can't expect to skip the healing and be A-OK.

Feeling is a part of the process and no one should skip the process of healing. They should lean into it. They should feel of all it until it's over. 

We're all human and have every right to feel human emotions. Your emotions don't define you, they help you grow.

This is how you deal with the heartache: STOP FIGHTING IT.  

The sooner you acknowledge whatever you're feeling, the sooner it'll be over. 

And since they don't just go away apparently, it's best to say thank you. 

PRAY

Thank you, Lord for a broken heart so I can see through my own cracks and find pieces of myself that I wish to fix. 

Thank you, Lord for a day of reflection and gratitude. I will always remember the pain, but I will always be thankful for the lesson. 

Thank you, Lord for my battles. Sometimes I forget to tag you in and I just fight alone. Please help me to remember to call on you and always look for the blessing. 

Amen. 

When it hurts, say thank you.

There's a reason for it. You may not know it now, but the blessing will come when it's supposed to. 

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